


All Along The Watchtower

by jelly123



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Plot Twists, Reader-Insert, Series Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 19:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10951056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelly123/pseuds/jelly123
Summary: Everything was a blur around me. I vaguely remember watching Mary punch Lucifer in the face, her falling into the Other World. My own grief consuming any sympathy I had for my best friends; my brothers, as they watched their mother slip through their fingers once more.





	All Along The Watchtower

**Author's Note:**

> **_I had way too many emotions regarding the season finale.. And though I'm a Dean!Girl at heart, the entirety of the episode had my inner Cas!Girl peeking through the cracks.._ **

“No.” The word that left my lips, was barely a whisper; not even loud enough to register in my own ears. _This wasn’t supposed to happen. Why did this always happen?_

Time had stood still as his eyes found mine one last time. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. I just stood there, watching as his grace burnt up, leaving his lifeless body to slump to the ground. Everything about this was wrong, _this wasn’t supposed to happen._

“No.” I fell to my knees, the damp ground, soaking through my jeans.

Everything was a blur around me. I vaguely remember watching Mary punch Lucifer in the face, her falling into the Other World. My own grief consuming any sympathy I had for my best friends; my brothers, as they watched their mother slip through their fingers once more.

“No.” Someone was trying to pull me up, away from his lifeless body. They should know better, I’m not moving. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could. Every ounce of my being was telling me to stay here, he was going to come back, I just had to wait. We always came back; _he_ always came back. Through everything, Cas always made his way back to us, to me. This wasn’t going to be any different, and Winchester’s be damned if they were to think anything else.

“Y/n.” I didn’t look up, I knew it was Sam. “Y/n, we’ll take care of him.”

“No.”

“Leave her be Sammy.” Dean’s broken voice was right beside me, _when did he join me on the ground?_ “I’ll stay with her, you go check on Kelly.”

I didn’t watch Sam walk away, but I heard him. He was hurting too, just like me, just like his brother beside me. The part of me that still cared about everything else, wanted to call him back, to wrap my arms around him, to tell him everything will be alright. But I didn’t. Again, my own grief was too much to push past, to gather the energy to care about anything else, was exhausting.

“No.” _Why is this the only thing I can say?_

“What was that Kiddo?” Dean asked, his am wrapping around my shoulders, pulling me into him.

“No.” _Dammit, Y/n! You can speak, the words are all right there!_ “No.”

Tears had finally started to fall, anger mixing with sadness. Hatred for Lucifer, anger at Chuck, and that deep blackening sadness consuming all the happy memories of Castiel. We were on the right track, after years of dancing around it, of dancing around he’s an angel and I’m only human.

“Why?” _Oh, so I do know other words, good to know._

“I don’t know. He should have never followed us in. He should have stayed with you.”

“Why?” _I sound like a three-year-old._

“I don’t know. I wish I could give you the answers, I really do.”

For a second, I didn’t recognize the sounds I was making. The shallow, broken sobs echoing through the silent air, couldn’t have been mine. One look at Dean, however, and I was told otherwise. Through the pain and heartache etched on his own face, concern for me shone past it. This man, who just lost his best friend and his mother, again, was more worried about me, then himself. It’s what broke the levee.

I collapsed into Dean, letting everything go. All the anger, all the sadness came bubbling to the surface.

“Cas, come back. Please?”

“Fuck you Lucifer! Fuck you and your stupid fucking smug face!”

“Chuck? CHUCK! Get your ass down here! Your son needs you.”

“Cas? I need you, I can’t do this without you.”

 After awhile, I grew quiet, numb. There was nothing left of me. He was gone, and there was nothing anybody could do. It was like I was on autopilot, I detached myself from Dean and stood. I walked past him, into the house, up the stairs and laid myself on the bed that we once shared.

Hours must have passed as I lay, unmoving. The brothers didn’t come to check on me, probably figuring I had fallen asleep. But I didn’t. I wanted to. I wanted to wake up and have this all been a horrible nightmare. I wanted to wake up to his blue eyes shining in the morning sunlight. To tell him all the things that were left unsaid. But I couldn’t, this was very much the reality I had been placed in.

A familiar fluttering of wings had me bolting upright, hand flicking on the lamp beside me.

“Y/n?” I had to have fallen asleep, that was the only explanation. “Y/n, what happened?”

I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to clear it. “No.”

“Y/n, look at me, please.” His voice was gentle, lower than the one I had repeating in my head.

“Cas.”


End file.
